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So There Pansy Was ...
 PansyPalmetto member not displaying online status
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Home: Sacramento, CA 
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posted 8/24/2006
at 2:04:20 AM
viewed 3578 times
standing in the Congo. No, wait. That's what FooRider expects with an opening phrase like the subject title. Where I was, specifically, was in a bar/pizza joint in Downieville, CA, at high noon....seconds from death by bar fight. It was during a bike tour Mr. Pansy and I were on. I don't know where Mr. Pansy was, but I was with the tour leader's 14 year old son and the town whistle had just blown, announcing it was NOON/feeding time. The lumberjacks had swarmed from their secret hidey-holes and were congregating in the beer/pizza joint. TL's son and I were hungry so pizza sounded great. It had been a hot, dusty 45 miles so far. I was dressed in the getup in my avatar photo: skull patterned do-rag; my waist-length red hair braided in 100 little braids all over my head (which I pulled through the vents of my bike helmet); 2" skull earrings with shiny red eyes; black fishnet bodysuit; feathered bra over the bodysuit; fake spider web tattoos affixed to body parts; leopard fur print miniskirt; black fishnet stockings; red leather scrunch boots. TL son and I walk into the bar, the place becomes very quiet with a few murmurs. Finally, Lumberjack Enormo-saurus steps forward and as spokesperson for the hairybacked hordes asked me:

Lumberjack Enormo-saurus: So, do they light up?
Sweet Pansy: Does what light up?
LE: The skull earrings. Do they light up?
SP: Heehee. No, they are just shiny.
LE: Why are you dressed like that for?
SP: Well, the bicyclists I am with...we are all on vacation and are riding our bicycles from Oregon back down toward Sacramento. I am wearing this silly outfit so that cars and trucks will hopefully see me and not crash into me.
LE: [real suspicious-like] What's with the feathers?
SP: Oh! I found these baby Spotted Owls on the side of the road this morning. I felt so sorry for them that I picked them up and I am nursing them back to health.

Scary deathly long silence falls over the bar, town, county. Tick, tick, tick....then Lumberjack Enormo-saurus begins to shudder, his face gets mottled, his eyes become all squinted up and he finally lets loose with a huge bellow of laughter. Ohmigawd! He liked my joke! They all really, really liked my joke! Hilarity ensues, pitchers of beer are purchased and quaffed, we all eat pizza. [For those who don't know, at that point in California history lumberjacks and Spotted Owls were a flashpoint topic.]

For the next 2 days in the area, every logging truck that went by would honk and honk at me as I rode along. I think it's because I have new friends. Lord knows what THEY think.

 RabidDawg member offline
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posted 8/24/2006
at 4:24:55 AM
post #1 viewed 1512 times
LOL, great story!

 mary9761 member not displaying online status
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Home: Indianapolis, IN 
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posted 8/24/2006
at 5:01:02 AM
post #2 viewed 1504 times
He's a lumberjack and he's ok... LOL... Everybody Sing!!!

 russtaitai member not displaying online status
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posted 8/24/2006
at 5:42:52 AM
post #3 viewed 1497 times
Pansy, a mind like yours is a terrible thing to waste. Thanks for sharing it with us.

 KrateKraig member offline
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posted 8/24/2006
at 6:01:47 AM
post #4 viewed 1496 times
Kinda reminds me of Pee-Wee Herman in the biker bar in "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure". Very Funny!

 JulieB member not displaying online status
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posted 8/24/2006
at 6:15:15 AM
post #5 viewed 1492 times
OK. So when we announce the winners of a race in a thread we add the word "Spoiler" to the headline as a warning. Is there some warning we can add to a headline of a post like this that says, "Put your drink and food down before you read this unless you want to be cleaning your computer screen. Cuz this is so funny you're gonna be spitting it out due to the involuntary spasms of insane laughter that will be wrenched from you as you read." Maybe the word "Spewer" in the headline?

 BikeLady member offline
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posted 8/24/2006
at 6:16:59 AM
post #6 viewed 1501 times
LOL...this one needed "Spew Alert" in the title!

I just sprayed my morning beverage all over the monitor!


 FooRider member offline
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posted 8/24/2006
at 7:20:30 AM
post #7 viewed 1476 times
"Lord knows what THEY think." -- posted by PansyPalmetto
They're thinking, "Gee... I wish I was a baby spotted owl."

By the way, after reading the description of your outfit, my bride says I'm no longer allowed to read your postings (lest I get any ideas, when buying her birthday clothes).

 Courage member online
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posted 8/24/2006
at 7:26:43 AM
post #8 viewed 1493 times
I so need to go on a group ride with the Pansy's! Thanks for making my morning!

Eric J ; }

 Kin member not displaying online status
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posted 8/24/2006
at 7:32:02 AM
post #9 viewed 1494 times
Very funny!


 Zin member offline
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posted 8/24/2006
at 7:39:43 AM
post #10 viewed 1492 times
Nice story. Thanks for sharing.
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